The boterham – a national dish

There are a number of words that are banned from use in our house. Aside from the obvious blasphemies, certain words and phrases may not be used because they irritate or offend other members of the household. Our children are not allowed to say 'in your face'; I am not allowed to use the expression 'elevenses' (this describes tea or coffee taken at around 11am, which, according to my husband, sounds horrifyingly suburban); and my husband and children are not allowed to use the word 'boterham' in my presence.

Boterham. Deconstruct the word and it's an amalgam of two: boter (butter) and ham (ham, although you probably didn't need me to point that out). Only – and here's the rub – there is neither ham nor butter on a boterham. The boterham is simply a slice of bread, so you would have to order a boterham met kaas if you wanted a cheese sandwich or, more bizarrely, a boterham met ham if you wanted a ham sandwich.

It's the aggrandisement of a simple piece of bread that irks me; trying to make a slice of bread sound like a proper dish. I know that bread is a huge part of the Dutch staple diet, but to pump up a simple slice in this way is taking things a little too far. Hence, in our household 'een sneedje brood' (a slice of bread) is used instead. Accurate, not misleading, does what it says on the packet.

Now, time for a cup of tea. It's almost eleven o'clock, after all...